LiKE CanDLES inThe DaRK..

Phfew. I got my PERMIT. I am now PERMITTED to drive around under parental supervision [What a joyous priveledge..] Now all I need is for 6 months to fly by and my BABY to get out of the shop and be beautiful in my driveway. :(

ShouLd've Done SOMETHING but I've done It ENOuGH.. No more of this feeling sorry for myself. Some may name this the "denial" stage, but I say FUCK YOU to all those who oppose that I am whole-heartedly not as sad anymore. Cause..I'm...not! Okay?!

Yeah, report cards= FRiDAY. As much as I wouldn't like to leave my loves at McNEil Behind..This will hopefully be a good [great, magnificent] move for me..

*Penny Lane*

He lays me down, he tells me pretty words..He makes me feel..so..it was so beautiful..and breath..heavy..skin to skin ..rub up against me..I..this feeling is so ..strong..we..my hair in your face..lips..so soft..touch..the scent of you all around me..your..those eyes..staring, gazing, loving..it..perfect...

infLATAbLe..

I don't mind, most of the time, But you push[ed] me SO..Far..Inside..

Well, things are not looking up in that one aspect of life..That one with the black fingernails {ever-so conveniently matching his heart} Things tend to fade, and that's fine..but *boys* have some balls and tell a girl what you're feeling, not calling and simply _dissapearing_ just doesn't cut it. Leaves PoOr GiRLs feeling lonely and un*loved.

On a different note, I was reffered to as a ~goddess~ today. Oh, and attacked with kisses [by both a MALE and FEMALE] today in the car. It was terrific, friends that don't ditch you seriously ROCK.

[UN]Meaningful:I've come COMPLETELY Undone..fuck the stars, bring the sun..I'm sick of the tears..Happiness fears..Scratching, biting temptation..Darkened RoOm, damnation...Your dissapearing act deserves a ten...Everything about you just sucked me in..
~darkness all again, i tell myself: do not be selfish, stay..strong.....~

Dead LeAVes ON ThE diRtY GROuND

That's what I feel like, a dead leaf on the dirty ground..

I'd hate myself to utter another single word of how fantastic you []were[]. I'd be lying to myself if I sat here and said that this means nothing to me..I could never..

I'll never look at another star again. THat's my half-hearted promise to myself tonight. I'll never feel as useless as I do tonight because I THOUGHT you said I WAS DIFFERENT.

Even though I'll regret saying it, THe TRUTH IS: You are not who I thought you to be. I don't know you at all, I just got caught up in something *I thought* to be something great, someone I thought to be great. Forgive me for this but, I was entirely mistaken..YOu are nothing of the magnifiscent person I thought you were.

You're just cold hearted.
"enjoy yourself"

..darkness..consuming..

Live like there's no tomorrow, die pretty..

*SHe waNTs TO fly AwAY but RaTHer Than Run, she'LL sTAY and HavE SomE FuN..*
In /some aspects of life, things are looking extremely UpWArD. I saw some -old friends- today, brought me great JOY. I'm not completely sure, but I ~do~ believe I'll be where I've wanted to be for So LoNG NOw. It doesn't even feel like it would happen, But I think it IS happening. A =slight= chance to rekindle the []beautiful[]summer[].

()on a different note() another section of life isn't going so well. It seems something magnifiscent has ended, slipped right out of my grasp and I don't even know exactly where it went. Infact, I haven't heard word from you in days. I suppose I should take a hint, but it just doesn't seem real. Where did I go wrong, I couldn't tell you.

The leaves will be soon turning, fall upon us..me..I..you were beautiful. Everything, every word that slipped out off your tounge was as if it was well-thought out, pre-planned, and to know it wasn't..you..you took my breath away..

And now, here alone..begging the darkness of my room for something more..I turn cold..I believe this girl has been broken..That's what they'll say..
That's what they'll say..

::Notebook writings while out of town, ENjoY::

The SKY gone BLaCK..*LiGHTNiNG STRiKES*...I MiSS YoUR EYeS>>>>

Your voice, so sweet to me. I fear ----------. For you lift me as high as the most beautiful of stars everytime you smile or touch me or do anything that which drives me WiLd..LiPS SO SoFT, I would KiLL to die upon them..{[ That is..if I have not done so already ]}

+THE CURE+ :somebody kill me please..:

Oklahoma, need I say more? I miss you to death. 5 days of hell[HELL= NO TIME WITH YOU] So many emotions within me these days I swear, when you kiss me I explode HANDS DOWN, your lips are the sweetest I've tasted. So much love, so much anticipation locked inside of them, forcing them into me as our lips lock. THE TRUTH IS: you make me feel so BeAUTiFUl. So wanted. Hell, maybe even--dare I say-- WOrtH It. [that was A stretch, forgive me] Perhaps I am over-exaggerating & blowing things out of porportion.

But I don't think so, I think I'm right. {}I PrAy I'm right{}

PULL /e ()ut 0F ThE @IRCR@$H. [ ALL OF US ARE DONE FOR ] we live in a beautiful world.. WHaT Giving up GiVES YOU, and WHeRE GIVINg UP TakES YOU..

Feeling blue It's only been a couple of days, but these hours pass like MONTHS [and so on and so forth] HOME SICK --that's just how this green*eyed girl feels.
so beautiful so poetic so brilliant so dark so bright so soft
"They do not see what lies ahead, when SUN has FADED & MOON is DEAD."

There's NOtHINg Like Losing YOu..

You in the sea, on a decline, breaking the waves. Watching the lIghts GO DOWN, Letting the cAbles SLeep.
Defective. Lying around the house, to breathe is difficult. Avoiding faces, pleading the cruel darkness for a hint of your smile, a slight pitch of your voice.

Begging for anything, anything SOMETHING just pull me under the water, do not let me rise. Lashing and waving, You cannot hear my cries, you do not wish to be of service. These days, to sleep is to LiVE. MY dreams keeping me alive bringing me all I had and could have had more of.

Now there is nothing to give, nothing. The sinking feeling of DEATH. THat's all I feel, Dead. Everyone is celebrating, smiling taunting faces surround me and I have nothing but the words you left behind..

i wish i could be every little thing..
...dont..give..me..up...

CRaSH into ME

Morning buzz, one of the best kinds, I do believe. Smoke clouding the air when you've kind of just woken up. Almost p e a c e f u l.....

The phone rings; YOU. 'Are you by a window?' I can't believe you're here.. A breath of night air as I walk outside to find you in our natural state: sitting, staring upward. The car parked, we sit and gaze at OUR infamous STARS. It's late, and you have to go..walk you [two short steps] to your car [why..why do you have to leave?] This will be the last time I see your shining face for days to come. Roll down a fogged window, the softest ToUCh/LiPS. []DRiVE AwAY

[] ..silent..serenity..
~DaRKnESS No MoRE~

"YOu SMeLL LiKE SMoKE"

She arrives late [ again ]. They all stare as she takes her seat and sits low in her chair. They question because she wears her sunglasses in class and puts her FEET ON THE DESK. Everything so taboo, 'Who IS this girl invading our territory?'

HE. Get in the car and GO. Drive, just DRIVE. Where to go? ANywhere but anything ordinary. YOu just deserve MORE than ordinary. I take the glasses off to see your eyes. Lips, *tHE SoFTesT of LIpS [] I'Ve EVeR TaSTED*, a parade of senses. LOST<>Lost somewhere but EVERYWHERE is where I want to be with YoU. Stoplights, cars blinking, freckles showing in the hot sun, BeAUTiFUL.

bEautIful.

AlL THis * LEAdiNG uP TO OnE KiSS

Duckponds. I like them. Throwing rocks at --still, poor and defensless-- duckies and wishing them dead yet somehow finding a way to share romance in the same atmosphere. [ Okay, there's got to be an analogy in there somewhere, but I can't decide what it is. ]

"We can rise like candles in the dark. Yours always" That would be the ever-so pretty words of THURSDAY [ wow, one of my favorite bands AND the name of Daniel's rubber band. ]

I would explain my day [ ha I'm leaving you WONDERING ] and how utterly brilliant it was...[ and when I say brilliant ]..

tHE SoFTesT of LIpS []I'Ve EVeR TaSTED a-n-t-i-s-i-p-a-t-i-o-n *cured*

SCrEAMiNG FoR SoMETHiNG..

THIRD TIME TODAY. I don't know, I just keep changing my mind as to whether I wish to keep writing or not. I hate to be so impressionable. And I hate to sit with the widest of eyes in awe at you, taking in every word piece by piece and analyzing it. I hope it doesn't throw this off, I believe in everything you say, it's like I just have to. You called last night. It was a little before midnight, but I was so tired [I was still sick]. But when I heard your voice, I didn't know what to do. We didn't mention the other night, GOD NO. I wanted to mention that I already miss you. I wanted to apologize but what would that do? Wouldn't give me a better standpoint in this, so I kept quiet and played it cool. --SIGH-- I can't do this much longer. I feen for you like a drug. Like you've been jabbed into my arm or shoved down my throat and now I need you forever. Like I'm addicted to your words, your arms [that I've never felt], your face [that I've never touched], your everything. Can't you tell me I'm pretty under the stars again and call me a bright angel? --stop-- this means too much to me. HOW DO I STOP watching the stars *and* [thinking] [of] [ y o u ]

Play it cool, breathe normal...

You ever hear a song that YOU don't feel, but you're sure the other person feels it, 'cause that's what their actions show? :
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Yeah, I think that maybe that's the way -the other person- feels. And then there are those songs that you know for a fact that you feel it with every part of you:
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same.
But all the miles had separate,
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello. I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go..

Take a breath, make it deep...

Confined to the walls of this household for telling my mother to shut her face. [ I'm not sure, but I think a day of grounding was worth seeing her expression when I said it. ] I saw him today. The first time in 6, maybe 7 days. It was short-lived, due to my punishment, but it was enough time for him to give me a pretty purple flower and tell me he loved me..

I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. My throat swelling has gone down INCREDIBLY [ although my family and everyone else says it's still swollen. ] In any case, I can swallow food and beverages now, and that is all that matters! Although I must admit I haven't had my usual appetite lately. Even now that I can eat, once I sit down and go for it, it just doesn't really seem tempting at all.

Infact, I only find a few things tempting these days. But there's no sense in dragging on about things that will N E V E R happen, as much as I wish [and wish and wish and wish] they c(w)ould..